


The Great Santa Pirate

by NegativePersonality



Category: One Piece
Genre: Cheese, Christmas, I don't take myself very seriously, M/M, Neither should you, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-28 11:44:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17182361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NegativePersonality/pseuds/NegativePersonality
Summary: In which a lie becomes an unexpected Christmas miracle





	The Great Santa Pirate

**Author's Note:**

> This was written while on my phone at the hospital with my grandma. I have a sinus headache, so I make no guarantees about the quality. 
> 
> Purely cheese and fluff.

"You're really...Santa...!?"  
The sniper nodded, his nose pointed high. "The very same! As a young boy, I climbed aboard Santa's sleigh one Christmas when he wasn't looking. The elves didn't want me to get in trouble so they told me to shoot presents towards chimneys with my slingshot. I became so good at it that they fired the old man and gave me his job!" He gave a deep, rich laugh. "Expect the unexpected where the Great Captain Usopp is involved!"  
"Santa is real...and he's _in my crew...AWESOME._..!!" Luffy cheered, his eyes glowing.  
  
It didn't start off as a joke, but the rest of the crew couldn't resist after Chopper innocently asked to sit on Usopp's lap and wish for his presents.  
"What's the matter, Santa? Your cheeks are looking rosier than usual," Nami teased, twirling the cotton beard with her finger as she pressed against the pillows he'd used for padding. "I just want a new wardrobe, the latest navigation books, and 100 million berries. Easy-peasy."  
"Th-th-that's fine. NEXT!" Usopp yelped, eager for some space. But when Sanji stepped forward, his mouth twisted in a devious smirk, he regretted everything.

  
After making sure everyone in the crew had a turn, Usopp escaped to the crow's nest, ripping off the suit and beard. He sighed as a cheery Bink's Sake rose up from below deck. It was a long night, and the rest of the Straw Hats would be extra sure to stay awake just to watch the sniper make a fool of himself. Was there even enough time to make a sleigh? If Franky helped, the cola power might make it fly a bit. That would be more convincing, right?  
...who was he kidding? It was such a clumsily built lie. This never would've happened if Luffy hadn't spent so much time gushing over Zoro's new skills, if Usopp wasn't so insecure, if he hadn't been so jeal--  
"Usopp?" a familiar voice called.  
The sniper peered over the top of the crow's nest. A smile formed as he watched his captain wander the deck, looking in places so obviously incorrect that he wondered for the thousandth time what was going through his head.  
"I'm up here," he said at last. Luffy looked up, a hand on his straw hat.  
He grinned before shooting his hand forward and launching himself toward the crow's nest.  
Usopp barely had time to grab Luffy around the waist before he overshot the landing...and suplexed his captain face first into the rail.  
Luffy laughed. "That was amazing!" He turned, blood dripping from his nose.  
Usopp sighed and gave his captain a handkerchief.  
When the two were settled side by side, Usopp realized how quiet it had been before. He turned just slightly to see the captain smiling with his head leaned back, the straw hat covering his eyes, the handkerchief still sticking out of his nose.  
"You're so cool," he said suddenly.  
Usopp was quiet. "Even if I don't use-"  
He stopped himself. After taking a breath, he continued.  
"Would you still say that if you knew I wasn't Santa Claus?"  
"Yep!" Luffy said without hesitating.  
"Or a brave warrior?"  
Luffy sat up, pulling the hat back so he could look Usopp in the eyes. "If you lie," he said with a smile, "it's never really a lie, because you always make it happen somehow. It's like fortune telling! That's why you'll always be cool to me."  
Usopp hated the cold - it made his eyes water and his nose run, and always at the worst moments. But Luffy only grinned and placed his hat on Usopp's head.  
"For Christmas, I want a lot of meat. And a pillow. Someone took them all and I can't find them."  
Usopp laughed. "Sure thing, captain."  
  
In the morning, beneath tangerine trees decorated with handpainted ornaments and popcorn strings, they found presents of every shape and size. Handwritten books complete with illustrations (Epic Tales of the Great Captain!) for Robin...Fresh fish for Sanji and Luffy...Nami had a sour expression when she opened a massive basket of 100 million blueberries, strawberries, and blackberries, but she smiled and said she'd remember to be more specific next time.  
They found Santa sleeping on the railing, still fishing. His hands were raw and covered with bandages when they pryed the fishing rod from his hands.  
Chopper carried him to the cabin, and they agreed to let him sleep past noon.  
He woke to the smell of pancakes and the sounds of Luffy and Chopper inventing stories about the Great Santa Pirate. He didn't know it then, but it marked the beginning of an important Christmas tradition on the Sunny - a time when pirates gathered around the tangerine trees, sang songs, and drank hot chocolate with rum. During that special time, if you listen with all your heart, they say you can even hear the snap of a slingshot as the Great Santa Pirate shoots presents with startling accuracy into chimneys around the world...

 

 


End file.
